Wonder
by KittenKin
Summary: Kurogane is sometimes a bit too responsible and serious for his own good, and he starts to wonder if perhaps the twins would be better off without him. KuroFaiYuui fluff. FF-dot-net rated M, author rated PG13.


**Comments/Warnings: **Threesome, m/m. Written in response to a request at a CLAMP community for Kurogane being insecure about his role in the threesome he's in with the Fluorites. I was actually trying to write a drabble but as usual it turned into something longer.

Fanfiction dot net rating is M because it's about a homosexual threesome. Author rating is PG-13 because there's not really anything going on except for fluff.

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He's not insecure, paranoid or a chronic worry-wart who tends to overthink himself into non-existent tangles. He is, however, observant and (regardless of what Fai chooses to claim while noisily crying crocodile tears) wants those he cares about to be happy. Though he's never admitted it to anyone, he honestly loves his next-door neighbors, which naturally leads him to watch over them zealously because they are sometimes too happy to be careful with their secrets. Watchfulness leads to observations, observations lead to questions, and questions lead to theories.

Kurogane is beginning to theorize that it would be best for their odd little trio if he were to step out of it.

Not best for him, of course, because despite Fai's antics and Yuui's fretting the blonds are good for him. Good for his temper, good for his blood pressure, good for his sex life most certainly. Perhaps not all that good for his cholesterol with the way the classically trained chef loves to show affection by preparing elaborate meals, but Kurogane gets plenty of exercise, and not just in the bedroom. They shower him with affection both tangible and not, each attentive to his moods in their own way and keeping him from boredom and loneliness and restlessness. They're perfect for him.

He's not so sure what the benefit is to them, though, in making him a part of their joint life. He is no lazy leech, but everything he can think of that he provides to them is nothing that cannot be found elsewhere. If he were not around, he knows that there would be candidates aplenty willing to give them rides to and from work, discuss issues and trade advice in the teachers' lounge, provide company for a quick drink or snack after work, carry the lion's share of burdens while shopping, test Yuui's new recipe or assist with Fai's new lab experiment. If he were not around, the beautiful, brilliant blonds would have no trouble finding for themselves a willing third to help warm their bed. They might not even want one; they have each other, after all, and to Kurogane's way of thinking, what more could they wish?

What they give him is priceless. What he gives them is practical. Prosaic perhaps, from a certain standpoint.

So long as they continue to be happy with him there really is no reason for him to make the sacrifice, of course. Plebeian or not, if it is what they want, why should he not be the one to give it to them? But he watches over them and watches them and sees them with other people, and he wonders. They are happy with him, but they might be happier with someone else. Someone who does not constantly hound them about safety and circumspection, grumble at them if they are five minutes late to the door and think "it's fine" is a high compliment. Someone who can return their easy smiles, keep up with them in conversation about the arts and who brings his own creativity to match their culinary and chemical wizardry. Someone who openly worships them as they deserve instead of acting as if he is merely putting up with them because he has a theory that they do not need any more petting and spoiling.

He wants them to be happy. They are. It is true that they might be happier with someone else, but that is a "maybe" not worth throwing his own happiness away for, and after a day or two of consideration he discards the idea of removing himself so that they can find a successor to him.

As if one idea has planted the seed for the next, however, after a while he starts to consider removing himself so that they can be together...just the two of them.

He has them, and they are all and everything he needs. Fai's saucy smiles and Yuui's lingering gazes, Fai's persistent affection and Yuui's gentle patience, Fai's quirks and Yuui's steadfastness. Fai is the sun and Yuui is the moon and he needs them both to keep his little world in balance. But they do not need him; they can revolve around each other...had done so all their lives, in fact, before drawing him into their orbit, and he wonders if it would not be better if he was not there to eclipse one from the other now and then.

They are always together, except when they are not. Sometimes he steals Yuui away for some peace and quiet. Sometimes he locks himself away with Fai for some rough and tumble. Very often he is with them both, and captures the attention of one or the other. Lures it away from its mirror.

The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks about it.

He finds them conspiring quietly on the couch one Sunday afternoon and hesitates in the doorway, at first only enjoying the sight of their smiles (identical and it startles him) but after a moment becoming uneasy over how perfectly harmonious and happy they are. Together. Just the two of them. Fai is not putting extra effort and energy into being silly and Yuui is less quiet and calm as if he knows he does not need to cancel out his brother's wildness just now. Kurogane is their co-worker and friend, plaything and lover, protector and beneficiary. He might also be a catalyst to reactions better left neutral and inert. Stirring them up and unbalancing them.

He is not paranoid or self-sacrificial but he holds himself to do _right_, and now he cannot stop thinking.

They help him.

He does not like noisy celebrations with as many people as can be stuffed into a space, and they know this as well as they know anything about him. They make excuses to everyone who tries to help celebrate his birthday and steal him away for themselves instead; somewhere new to make it special, but somewhere serene to make it enjoyable. Fai is the one who gives a sentimental speech, which does not surprise him, but it is thoughtful and insightful and simply, sparingly worded. He almost wonders if Yuui acted as editor but then he looks and looks again at Fai and chides himself for a fool. Fai gets under his skin because Fai knows how to best get under his skin; the man is naturally chipper and optimistic and _up _but much of the foolishness is an act that he very happily puts on because it is effective.

Fai is brilliant and caring and gives himself heart, mind, body and soul to those precious few (precious _two_) that he loves. The best of his humor and wit and efforts are all and only for them, and they are the only ones who know him well enough to appreciate this.

Where Fai is giving, Yuui is generous. He gives Kurogane the one thing most precious to himself; his twin brother. And he gives Fai what he knows Fai wants most in the world; himself, happy. They are the only ones he trusts with his treasures, because they alone understand their worth.

Yuui is quiet during and even after Fai's speech, just watching Kurogane as the phys ed teacher slowly realizes how the younger twin has turned countless hours of research and painstaking preparation into a perfect little weekend getaway for the three of them. Kurogane could not - literally would have found it impossible to - have chosen a place and added all manner of little touches to it to make it so perfectly suitable to his own tastes. He looks around for something and finds it waiting within easy reach. Everything he thinks of to want to drink or eat is present in the little kitchenette. They've even stolen his extra bedding and spare pillows from his apartment to make up the bed so that he will have no trouble falling asleep at night. If they get around to sleep that night. It's almost eerie how thoroughly he's known and his tastes are catered to and it gives him a moment of discomfort to be served so well when he's doubting he belongs (feels like he's stepped out of his sphere and place) with them.

But Yuui is gazing at him and looking so completely content, and echoes all of Fai's _gratitude_ that they have him. For they are celebrating Kurogane's existence in their life, not just the fact that he exists at all or that he was born long ago this day. They are happy _with_ him, _because of_ him. He does not do anything special to make them happy; _he just makes them happy_.

He needs them. They need him. It works, and Kurogane stops wondering how.


End file.
